Poopie The Pirate!

With my monkey minnions, I menace the shipping lanes everywhere!

Wednesday, July 30, 2003

Oh! Oh! There goes Tokyo!

(2003-07-30 22:25) - groggy - public Music: Janah - Oil On My Head

So, there we were, in this big hotel. Leesie, sweetie that she is, climbed in the truck and accompanied Miguel-san down the highway to a place way far away called Arlington Heights where there was gathered a gathering of Godzilla geekaroonies. Gaaaaaaaaa-rumph!

Leesie thinks Godzilla is funny, but she’s not really into it. Still, she thought maybe she’d get a reward for her deeeeevotion, maybe see a man in a rubber suit stomping on buildings while Night On Bald Mountain played in the background. That, she said, would be funny.

But, nah, it was just uber geeks like Leesie but what didn’t like the things Leesie prefers. So we walked around the dealers room, looking for interesting things... but, nah, nothing. However, somewhere on the trip, my belt (gasp!) fell off!

So, while Leesie was helping Mr. Musashi by staying well out of his way, I took a little trot round the room. On the other side of the wall, I could hear the Godzilla Geekazoids singing the Blue Oyster Cult song about Godzilla, but I noticed that the convention attendees only knew the chorus. Leesie knew all the words. My Leesie, she’s a goofer.

As I rounded the corner, I saw my belt, but there was a biiiiiiiiiig lizard bending down and picking it up as I walked up.

”Hey!” I said, which I am famous for saying, ”can I have my belt back, please?”

The lizard just showed its teeth.

I was pretty impressed–good articulation on that lip, nice teeth in that rubber suit. However, I wanted my belt back. So I got a little tougher. I stomped my foot and yelled! I waved my stumps in the air and I yelled! ”Hey!” which I am famous for yelling, ”I asked nicely! Gimme back my belt!”

The lizard narrowed its eyes and leaned towards me.

I felt its hot beath. I smelled its stinky lizard stink. It was no guy in a rubber suit! And it reared back and roared!

”GaaaaaaaaAAAAAaaaaaa-RRRRRUUUUUUUmmmmmmPPPPhhhh!”

If sock monkeys could blanch from terror, I’m sure I would have in that moment. I bolted, which is hard for me to do, ’cause I got no bones.

”Leesie! Leesie! Help me!”

She turned around as the big lizard started running towards us! and every stomp of that lizard’s foot was a big thinder boom! ANd Leesie blenched and bolted herself!

So we were running down the halls of this fancy-schmancy hotel being chased by this big, drippy lizard making ”garumph” noises, and it was scary, and people were screaming!

And then I remembered that Leesie knows how to be the Lizard Woman! Why wasn’t she just turning into the Lizard Woman? So I turned around and screamed ”Leesie! Become the Lizard Woman! Maybe Godzilla just has a broken heart! Maybe you can fight him to the death, and then be like Gamera, like a friend to all children!”

But Leesie just kept running! ”Who the hell wants to be the spouse of Godzilla? Aren’t there already enough bad marriages in this country?”

”Hey!” I wailed, which I am famous for wailing, ”LEEEEEESIE! PLLLLLLEEEEEAAASSSE!”

So then Leesie turned around and bared her teeth and —

Hey, is that ice cream I hear Leesie dishing up? Sorry, I gotta go!

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