(2003-07-19 14:57) - public
So, Leesie took me camping, which is a pretty good way to spend time if you got to be landlubbing. We went to one of these places Leesie likes so well, where all the people run around wearing funny clothes, and everyone there was calling it Dub Dub, although Leesie says the right name is Warriors & Warlords. The tenth Dub dub, to be exact.
Now, I been to Dub Dub’s before. Plenty of times! And they are always fun. But this time, I opened the program and saw something scheduled that seemed more beautiful to me than Leesie, more tasty than shark fin soup, more precious than all of Snottyfoot’s treasure...
Pirates of the Caribbean Party, Saturday night.
I practically fell over from the excitement. I was so excited that I had a hard time staying awake to fight those whoopdewisps–and dang, the woopdewisps keep mutating!–all of Thursday night and Friday night because I was so eager to get to the Pirate Party!
Well, Saturday evening finally got here. Miguel-san got kinda peeved, ’cause all through that court thing I kept askin’ ”Is it time yet? Is it time yet!” Leesie called me a very impatient monkey, but I waited like a good monkey for two whole days, don’t you think I did good?
So anyway, the pirate party comes!
And we go to the party, but Miguel-san forgot his ID and had to go back. Silly man. Leesie said they had to prove they were old enough to drink grog but I know the truth–they were checking out who was who so they knew who had the treasure and who was just a grog moochin’ freeloader.
So, Leesie and I get in and start working the crowd. First, I went and scared a bunch of men who were dressed the part of pirates, but as soon as I spoke my name, they all gasped, and looked at each other, and trembled, and shouted ”Run, it’s the Dread Pirate Poopie!” as they ran towards Grog Island.
And so I turned towards a beeeeeeeeyoootiful lady and asked her for some treasure. And she shook and shook and gave me a silver coin! Jackpot! One of those quarter things.
I put it in my sleeve with all the rest of my shiny treasure. I was really hoping to get enough to balance out my body, cause that shiny, glinty pin thing I
got from Leesie’s cornicopia of pretty jewels is so heavy in my sleeve that I keep falling over. And let me tell you, it is scary when I’m falling over in the rigging!
But then I went to get some treasures from the natives and as soon as they saw me, they started running.
The guy who must have been the witch doctor shook his skull-on-a-stick at me and shouted ”Back! Evil!”
I looked around. Evil? Where?
And so, just for fun, Leesie and I chased the Witch Doctor around. I tell you, how worthy are headhunters and witch doctors who run from wenches in corsets and pirate sock monkeys? Chiiiiiiiiiii-kuns.
So Leesie tried what was on offer at Grog Island, but she says it was just lemonade and rum, and not too much rum at that, so we tried the Ship o’ Grog. And I had a great time in the riggin’
, but Leesie says the Rum Punch was tasty but, like the offerings at Grog Island, sadly lacking in sufficient rum. Miguel-san was back by then, and he took my picture, because he is smart that way.
About that time, the Prince and Princess of Nothshield, Leif and Astrid, came to the party and started makin’ announcements and givin’ gifts and stuff. I like Leif and Astrid, ’cause they are Vikings, and Vikings are like pirates!
So, after the Prince and Princess would give an award, everybody was yelling this silly Latin word.
Geesh! What kind of pirate cheers in Latin?
Leesie and I looked at each other and yelled, ”Aaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhh!” at the top of our lungs. What else are pirates supposed to yell? And they gave awards–an Award of Arms, to be precise–to this guy who was wearing seashells on his pectoral muscles and a grass skirt. Leesie says ”There’s a guy who’s going to remember this moment forever! Bet that’s not how he imagined it coming!”
Miguel-san laughed and took pictures of that.
But after that, we got kinda tired of the party. It was mostly people just pretending to be pirates, so there was not a lot of lusty swashbuckling going on. And that Corynne! She put a ”too young to drink” band on my leg! I tell you! I’m SIX HUNDRED YEARS OLD! Feh! I can drink! FEH!
And, the darn old staw that broke the pirate’s back was this weird furry pirate wannabe guy with a glowstick.
Now, glowsticks are dang creepy and eerie and all, but this was too weird, even for me! Because the furry wannabe pirate said I wasn’t a real pirate because I am a monkey, and then... he looked at his glowstick and said to me ”I think you are the only one here that I can stick this up yer butt and have it come out yer mouth!”
Leesie’s face scrunched up, like ”ewwwwwwww” kind of scrunching, and she stepped back. And Miguel-sanlooked at Leesie and then looked at me... and stepped back.
”Ick. I think... we. should. go.” she said.
But I could not contain myself!
I jumped on him! This is a guy who needs a thumping! And what a thumping I was giving him! Miguel-san says I was nothing but a red blur shooting past! And before anyone knew it, the creepy guy was on the ground, and I was pummelling him with my plush stumps! Faster than anything! And soon the creepy guy was wailing and snifing on the ground and weeping like a little girl.
But Leesie pulled me off of him. dang it! And he got up and left, the creepy, furry thing!
But as he was on the ground, I got a good look at him! He was one of Snottyfoot’s minnions! Arrrgh! Beware, Snottyfoot! I am everywhere, guarding against your evil plots at all hours of the day! And Night! And pre-dawnhours!
But Leesie noticed that all the other pirates were looking at us with new fear and respect, and Leesie thought we should go so that they wouldn’t be too afraid to have fun. So we went to the party that was to say goodbye to Aurelia, who I will miss. don’t go, Aurelia! There was EXCELLENT food and Grog a plenty there!
Those pirates at the party, though, while we was gone, they did make someone walk the plank! So there is hope for them yet!
Such a head I had in the morning.