I had an adventure last night!

Leesie is puttering around today, and I was so mad at her! Since she is not paying attention to me right now, I am here, venting my great ire!

Many people wonder how I type when Leesie doesn't help me. I hold a pencil in my hand and hunt and peck out the words. I go fast, I'm so speedy that I'm a blur.

Well, I'm only mad because she hurt my feelings. She went to the Highland Games and to a party, and she didn't take me with. If I weren't a pirate, I would have cried when she left. Valerie gave me a hug and told me that Leesie would be back and tell us all about her adventures, but still. I want to be with Leesie.

But something joyous did come of Leesie's trip to the Highland Games!

She bought me a SWORD!

(cue Zorro music)

Oh, I am so SWASHBUCKLING with my new sword! It's called "El Cid." It's very pointy, I have to be careful, or I could really hurt someone! I'm a nice pirate; I don't want to hurt anyone.

So, anyway, while Leesie slept last night, I crawled out of the bed and up by my new sword. She wouldn't let me take it to bed with us because she didn't want me to poke the other monkeys. Or Her. Like I would do that.

Sheesh. Not on purpose, anyway.

So, anyway, I sat up there and looked and looked at my pretty new sword. And while I was practicing with my new sword, a big, scary whoopdewisp came crawling up outside the window!
I was shaking. I am really, really scared of whoopdewisps. The last time I heard a whoopdewisp was whenwe were in Virginia last year; I stayed up all night guarding Leesie and Miguel-san; I'm not going to let a whoopdewisp get them! Oh, it was so scary, there in the forests, and the whoopdewisps crying and calling all around us!

So when I saw that whoopdewisp shadow outside my Leesie's window, I got so scared that I almost didn't know what to do. But then I jumped down and ran across the bed and right up to the window, brandishing my sword like those Viking Pirates, you know, Beserkers, yelling and yelling "Hey!" (which I am famous for yelling) "You get away from here, you bad whoopdewisp!"

It waved its wings and snarled through its beak and its beady yellow eyes and drooly mouth were all kinds of scary! But I didn't back down, I had my Leesie to save and all the other monkeys and Miguel-san and the cat, too, they were all depending on me.

My Valerie woke up and saw what was happening and got all girly for a few moments, wailing in fear and wringing her hands and stuff, just like those stupid princesses being rescued in old movies. But she got herself together pretty soon and grabbed a big ol' bat, just in case. It was too big for her, and she kept falling over, but she was trying, and I knew she would help me if she could. That's my girl.

So the whoopdewisp was stomping and snarling outside the window, and we were stomping and snarling inside, trying to be menacing enough to ward off the attack. I waved my fist and yelled. This would have been a good moment for Leesie to turn into the Lizard Woman, but she didn't. She just slumbered.

Just then Bear flew in, cause he wears my cool Flying Monkey outfit these days, and he had a big old smelly sock from Miguel-san's closet with him. We put our heads together, and then Bear held me, I held the sword and the sock, and we flew out of the room and up the chimney and out on the roof. Valerie stayed behind to distract the whoopdewisp; I was scared that the whoopdewisp would break through the window and just get my Leesie, and Valerie, and the other monkeys, and the Christmas Tree lights in the closet, but the whoopdewisp was, I guess, having so much fun scaring Valerie that he wasn't ready to actually attack.

So then we landed behind the whoopdewisp, and Bear put the smelly sock over the whoopdewisp's head, and I poked the whoopdewisp with my sword. "Go away, you bad whoopdewisp!" I yelled, and I poked it in the tummy and the back. "Fly away and leave us alone!"

The poking and the smelliness quickly got to the whoopdewisp, who made a lot of gagging noises and a lot of swatting motions. Pretty soon it started to cry.

"We'll stop if you promise to go away and never come back!" I said, and the whoopdewisp nodded its head.

So Bear took off the sock, and I backed away, sword still at the ready, and the whoopdewisp, all sniffly now, jumpedin the air and flew away.

And that was the end of that. I hope that whoopdewisp goes back and tells all the other whoopdewisps how fierce we are, so that they'll leave us alone forever!

But, hey, my sword works great! So I guess I can forgive my Leesie for not taking me with since she brought this cool sword home.